


Clouded

by creativeone298



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 06:47:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6743803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativeone298/pseuds/creativeone298
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain Phasma and Kylo Ren both deal with clouded feelings pertaining to their actions before Starkiller base exploded. When Ren feels a disturbance in the Force surrounding Phasma, he confronts her about her emotions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clouded

“Traitor.”  
“Coward.”  
“You killed us.”  
“You let them win!”  
“You destroyed the base!”  
Phasma sat bolt upright in her bed, panting and clutching the sheets. She checked the time and was disappointed to find out that it was three o’ clock; too early for her to get up and start her rounds, too late for her to get a restful night’s sleep afterwards.   
She looked around her tight quarters, taking little comfort in the darkness and trying to ground herself. She breathed deeply and her heartbeat and eventually went back to normal.  
She laid back down and tried to fall back asleep, but it eluded her. She tossed and turned until she woke up before her alarm at five o’ clock, and got up. She paced around the base (smaller than Starkiller, she could cover more ground, see more stormtroopers that might think that she betrayed them).   
To most outsiders, Phasma stood as she normally did; tall and imposing. She tried to not let her image falter; she needed to prove herself and exude a commanding presence now more than ever, especially in the wake of the destruction of Starkiller and the Resistance attacking them with greater confidence and gusto than before. She let her feet beat an angry path into the halls, until she felt a presence behind her.   
“Captain,” Ren said, meeting her stride.  
“Ren,” she replied, as stoic as him, looking at him briefly to acknowledge his presence.  
He walked beside her as she completed her rounds. She wondered why he wasn’t training or arguing with Hux in the command central, but remembered that he could read her mind if he so chose, and so she directed her thoughts to the floor and how there were the occasional scuff marring the otherwise pristine stone.   
“The Force is clouded around you,” Ren said, almost conversationally, but with the weight to his voice that he seemed to have whenever he talked about the Force.   
“What is that supposed to mean?” Phasma asked, her tone growing almost accusatory. She never liked that Ren could read people so easily, be it with or without the aid of the Force.   
“Come with me,” he replied and before Phasma could protest, he stated walking, his boots now echoing in a hallway that was close to empty.   
She glared at him as she caught up to him again and kept walking. They continued in silence for a few minutes until they reached a door with a code that Kylo keyed in.  
“I use this room to train, it should be empty.”   
Before Kylo walked in, she stopped just outside the door.  
“Why should I go in an empty room with you?”   
Kylo rubbed the back of his head, probably figuring out what connotations that might have had to her. “It’s so we can talk without anybody hearing us.”   
“I want to stay in the hallway, Ren.”   
He nodded pensively, and then took off his helmet, the unsealing giving a small hiss and click.  
“You can leave yours on if you want, Phasma,” he said, sitting down and putting his helmet on the floor beside him.   
Phasma sat down, but she left her helmet on.   
“Why did you bring me here?” she asked. She didn’t like how cryptic this was; she liked to be straightforward or not to say anything at all.  
“As I said, the Force feels clouded around you. I have a feeling we may feel similarly about the events that happened on Starkiller base.”  
Phasma took a shallow breath to steady herself, worrying that a deep breath would be too obviously augmented by her helmet.   
“That’s none of your business,” she snapped, getting ready to get up.  
“Wait,” Ren said, grabbing her wrist tightly, “you’ve been tired; the Force being clouded can affect you physically too.”   
Phasma reluctantly sat down. If Ren could notice that about her, then eventually Hux would too and the more astute of her troops would follow.  
“Ren, please let me go.” she said, jerking her hand for emphasis.  
“Sorry, I forgot that I was holding on.” he said sheepishly.  
She looked at his face, not used to hearing that tone from him. She had seen it before a few times, but she never really studied it. His face was sharp, angular, and it now had a very recent scar crossing it. He looked younger than she had originally thought as well, and she just realized that for all of his posturing, he might feel similar to her in that moment.  
“I feel that my actions on Starkiller were stupid and cowardly, to put it bluntly,” she finally said, bowing her head in shame. She felt her cheeks burn and silently thanked herself for leaving her helmet on.  
“Why?” he asked.  
“I thought that I could save myself and the Starkiller base by placing its fate in the hands of my troops. I should have died for the First Order, I shouldn’t be alive right now.”  
Phasma felt tears welling in her eyes; it was different saying all of this out loud than having her thoughts torment her through sleepless nights, but she couldn’t cry right now, not in front of Kylo Ren of all people.  
Ren swallowed thickly and she could tell he was holding something back. Hopefully it was the sentiment that their army needed to be replaced by clones, because she did not need that at the moment.   
“You cannot erase the past.” he said, looking at where her eyes would be if not for the helmet.  
“Is there a reason you stated that so eloquently, Ren?” she said, hoping she sounded less choked up than she felt.  
“I’ve been having to say it to myself a lot, lately. My past weakens me, it calls me to the light. Even in these last few weeks, I have made so many mistakes that cost as many lives as yours did.”  
Phasma shook her head. Just as he probably didn’t agree with some of her decisions, she knew that some of his mistakes were deadly, including not finding the damn droid or not being able to kill the girl when he had the chance. However, just as he tried to support her, she wouldn’t lash out at him; clearly, there was some mysterious change in the air that kept him from taking a lightsaber to her in light of her decision.  
“You’re learning,” she finally decided, “I assume that training in the dark side of the Force did not make you learn how to command an Empire.”  
Ren nodded pensively and stared at the wall. She did the same.  
Phasma did not know what had gotten into Ren. He was calmer, and more level-headed than she usually saw him. Was it his recent practice with Supreme Leader Snoke? Was he learning how to calm himself? Was he just growing up? She knew he was exhibiting self-control, she saw him hesitate before some of his responses, and she was sure he had seen her do the same. She heard footsteps beginning to echo down the hallway, and she knew that she needed more time and that Ren probably did as well.  
“Let’s go into the room,” Phasma said, getting up.  
Ren looked surprised, but followed her nevertheless, shutting the door behind him.   
Phasma took off her mask and looked Ren in the eye.  
“We can’t pretend what we did was right.”  
Ren’s eyes briefly flashed with anger before he blinked a few times. “I suppose.”  
“But we can make a better future,” she asserted, looking at Ren to gauge his reaction. She saw his jaw clench, his brow furrow, but then he relaxed and nodded.  
Ren broke eye contact first, looking at the wall beyond her. She was surprised she could maintain it for that long; looking at somebody else’s mask is so much easier.  
He finally looked back up at her, and she felt as though she made a connection with him, even without the aid of the Force.  
“We can do it, for the First Order,” Phasma continued, her voice feeling like it came from outside her body.  
“We can do it for ourselves,” Ren replied, far more direct than she.  
Phasma considered the weight of his words, and decided that she would mull them over alone.  
“I need to go resume my patrol; my troops will wonder where I am,” Phasma remembered, opening the door.   
“I must go meet with the Supreme Leader as well. I have much to discuss with him,” Ren agreed.  
Ren closed the door and they walked their opposite ways. Phasma stood up, straight and tall and continued walking with purpose.


End file.
